Painful Beauty

I am always nervous to reach, to speak, to just be. A strange sort of neverending fear of everything. Yet I know, I refuse to shut down. I must charge over and over toward the heart of the work. I long to live to my inner extreme. I know that to the depths of my constant worry there is a fighter able to stand.

Every morning comes with thoughts that never stop. Then I get to the order and routine of what I am worth. Ironically the man I follow from fashion’s early origins is Charles Worth. He is known for being the father of Haute Couture. I have these ideas that fill me with joy. Then I think about how will it be possible?

After trekking the Appalachian trail for 6-days covering 60-miles of mixed terrain and climate. I ran the gamut in my mind on the trail: how tough it was and how I could not finish, how I was not strong enough. But I kept hiking for hours with the aches and the doubts. There was so much beauty that made the pain worth each step.

Not showering and wearing wet stinky clothes, while on the constant move was a test in being ok with the uncomfortable. My favorite moment was a morning of mist that surrounded the shelter where we camped and on the path, we could only lightly see a bit ahead. Then the rain came with a magical forest feeling.

There was a sense of ease and admiration for the process. We are back in our warm beds and me on the dream trail. I have beautiful fabrics waiting to sew and complete in two-days. We have a photo shoot this coming weekend. I just accept that I will freak out the entire way to completion.

My work tends to trigger my emotions to no end. But I know I want more from myself and from the body of work I create. So here we go, headed to the studio tonight to pick up my tools and dress forms to sew at the beautiful Madison House for the next two days.

Note: Never let the fear of the uncomfortable be the reason you decide not to show up.

Voice of America media story launched with almost 4,000 video views in less than 24 hours. I remember how nervous I was to speak in Bahasa Indonesia on camera. I know it is not perfect, but I refuse to be afraid to learn. I can only grow if I move toward the things I care to love.

Fabrics arrived on the left and I have my reference text for the dresses on the right – I nod and salute you Charles Frederick Worth. 

His beautiful dresses were worn by Royalty

Here we are in the midst of the fog and ready for a magical hike.



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