False Start

The birds are chirping from my bedroom window. The sun is shining, and I am finally feeling fragments of youth blossoming between drifting clouds. I finished my checklist of wellness routines. It has been a fun yet challenging journey to get myself driving again. A friend in London triggered a reason to kick start the Bali Fashion Dream blog again.

I explained my gratitude to him in a whats app message:

“I want to thank you for inspiring me to take my blog seriously perhaps for the first time ever.  To share my words and my heart to cultivate the parts of myself I thought lost. It has never been easy to write, but I have continued to show up. 

It wasn’t until one morning I randomly looked at the stats that I realized the impact I was creating. I had over 14,900 visitors and 47,800 views. Honestly, I sort of write for myself, thoughts in a public diary. I realize that there are many of us that live a silent struggle. Mainly the smiling sort of people that are assumed to be alright. The cheerleaders of the world.

I wanted people to see the inner battle, to know that it hurts. To press on regardless of when it does not work. I was told once at the early stage of writing my first book, the world wants to get to know you. The real you, not the portrait of perfect but the ugly parts too. By sharing the truth, it helps to show the humanity of the pursuit. Capture the bits of joy scattered in between the parts that tear us apart.

I also love playing with words and the way they dance along with my thoughts. I never tell the whole story, just enough to make the reader work to piece it together. Where is that little bit of the reader in my story, connecting from a distance to their own inner dilemmas? I have no intention of appearing as anything other than myself. A hot mess always trying to work it out.”


  • Let your imagination come alive! You do not need a reason to explore your heart to find those activities that strikes your light.  


  • Allow curiosity to be your guide and take the pressure off. Have fun discovering this part of your story. I have procrastinated on the film edit as I am now using a new system. Eventually, I will get the hang of it. 


  • It is awkward, learning, exploring and just coming back to train. This is ok. A pro is not born. Keep showing up and taking those little chips to form a dynamic reality. 


  • Then expand. I have been writing for many years and I know my grammar is off, I do not bother paying attention to a written order. Be ok with your flaws, or at least the parts that need cleaning up. Do not let your lack of experience be the reason you hold back. (Yes I have a few books that I will start reading and Grammarly to kick me off, I am just lazy in this way)


  • Be a fool, miss the target, but keep on shooting at the eye that levels up. Dance through your moves, shutdown and then reset. 

Note: The struggle is beautiful despite the pain of it, for this is when we must show up for ourselves. A smile is given, but do not let the hurt hold hope back. Hope is in the strength to smile strong!

I love working from my bedroom, now that I am home. I like this idea of cultivating dreams within small spaces to grow into something magical. I will be back in the studio soon, preparing our mini garment factory to produce PPE items. Still wearing my Elsa Fitzgerald dresses, full make-up and vintage hat.

Fresh lavender laying on my wellness book and inspirational reads.

I miss my dear Balinese lace artisan friends. Lucky for us we have Facebook to keep working together from home. For now, I look to these photos of our time together and smile in my heart. Glad that our paths and stories are sewn together with so much love and fashionable beauty.

I received a message from my first fashion friend in London. Throwback photo of us in the China White tent at the Polo Cartier event. So many wonderful memories, looking forward to when we meet again. Fancy champagne cheers to a life of luxury and fun. 


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