Childhood Love

I had been a picture in a frame for over 10-years. Sort of a memory of a person my family once knew. I was off adventuring along. I can remember the day I told my older sister that I was moving to Bali from London. As much as she loves Bali, I could feel the sadden gasp of disappointment. As little girls, it seems like so much of the world was whirling around us. Yet we had each other to play, cry, fight and grow up.

Then I left, on a plane to a world that I could have only imagined. It was everything I had ever wanted. Perhaps even more, that is why I rarely came to visit. I knew in my heart I loved my family, but there was another high I wanted to fly. More recently I have joined a mastermind group lead by one of the ladies I had met back in Bali. Sort of the reason I was able to work remote and create income from a laptop and my mind.

We were asked to define our idea of freedom: my first reply was I have lived it London to Bali. Yet in these past few weeks, I have been spending time with my older sister, nephew and brother-in-law. Baby number two arrives in just two weeks and with school being from home and my sister growing a big baby, I have been able to step in and help out.

As I showered this morning I realized that the best moments I have are the ones I am living. Despite the storms of life, and all the chaos of existence. My love is one I had not spent time to see. It is staying up late playing monopoly, running around the gated house with my nephew, giving him stickers for good behavior, painting nails with my sister and cutting each other’s hair.

This is a life changing time, and everything seems so uncertain. When this trying time fades into a memory, I wish to carry forward this space that is made to live for love. To cherish those seemingly peripheral life activities. All the projects cannot add up to seeing my little nephew in these different circumstances. Winning is getting him to wear normal clothes (not pajamas) to play.

I could have never truly sat still with this moment had I not felt the alternative. I am still of course correcting my mind and heart to grow this love for home.

I truly am excited to dream the life I live. 

Tips

  • Indulge in this moment. Right here: the smell of a cup of coffee, freshly showered hair, the lavender fragrance of oils, the music on the headphones that lead your feet to taping. 

 

  • Inhale, so much goodness. Exhale the heaviness.

 

  • I have been so good about my forest meditation, in some cases hitting replay. Everything was so heavy and hard at first, but once I got into it with the same routine 1:30-2pm. I now look forward to that time. 

 

  • Make falling in love with the good parts be your focus. Choose one memory that exists now, replay it in your heart. Let all the good emotions surface. Then hit replay and replay until the heaviness shifts. Find that giddy feeling you once had as a child, when the excitement bubbles up into a zeal of hope.

 

  • Do not live in the pain of the challenging time. Pull your emotions into a place that can love enough to get unstuck. This is when ideas and solutions form. If we stay in the repetition of pain recollection we cannot win. Do not chase your hurt and loss into that that tempting black hole.

 

  • Sometimes we just have to give in and let something we love die. This is tough because we want to hold on, but there are times when holding on can kill the only goodness our heart can hold.

 

  • It is not always about progress in the traditional sense, progress can be made by sitting still and processing our emotions. The ‘I will deal with this laters’ build up and can drain your battery behind the scenes. Like an app that you rarely use. Remove it from your mind and your heart. Clean the broken pieces so that you do not step on that hurt.

 

  • It is good to cry and to process the emotional side, make space in your day perhaps at that end of all the intensity to write, scream, dance, whatever you can do to shift the emotion. Then move into inspiration – read an uplifting book, write a happy note. Sleep with the peace that the thorn has been removed and wound cleaned.

 

  • Be inspired with your new life and self. Do not let the shadows call you back. Each time you choose to meditate, breathe, exercise, journal, smile, laugh, send love – you grow strong in your personal truth. 

 

Note: You are the most wonderful, beautiful, kind, generous, smart, loving, passionate, magically captivating person. Keep growing that goodness because you are going to be with yourself for the rest of your life. Why not grow more in love with the body and person that carries your heart? Let your own love shine through the eternal dialogue.

 

Stube sisters in Pigtown, That is one serious 5-year old on the right.

I win the smallest person in kindergarden.

Cheers to the London College of Fashion days – graduation day – Masters in Fashion Entrepreneurship

 

 

Morning routine of air drying my hair as I type up that next blog post.

 

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