You do not always succeed at the first crawl. Correction you never succeed at the first attempt. Not really and not in the way that sustains the curve to bring it home.
You have to clear the table and draw. Failures and upset, lost belief in dreams. They are illusions for excuses. You had to learn the lessons of heart break.
Go back and find out what your fears are all about. Maybe you forgot the thing that makes the drums beat. You will never know if you never try.