My mother tells me off for wearing an oversized vintage dress and my sister wouldn’t get off my case for becoming a ‘village girl’. I didn’t know what they meant until I looked back to pictures of me preBali. I loved dressing up. Something changed being around so much poverty. I began selling and giving away my nice things. I wanted to see if I could survive on the most basic.
Perhaps even become beautiful with ‘nothing’…short hair, no makeup and less shine. I wanted to know that beauty is not pure surface that there is something special in a person that the eyes cannot touch. Though what I found was the less I cared for myself the more disconnected I felt. My mom reminds me, ‘it’s ok to be you, if you want to wear fancy clothes that is Stacy’.
I guess in a way I was trying to fit into my environment at the expense of my true nature. I love fashion, glamour and dancing. Denying myself of happiness is to steal my own joy. My hair is growing now and I am remembering to paint my nails and one day soon, I may even meet that girl I once knew.