It is amazing how much we struggle as individuals. I used to think that I was the only one. From a young age I was always thinking and writing dramatic analysis of my reflections on the world. Despite being a lacrosse player in the national honor society and all round semi-attractive girl I found myself even in my teens struggling to exist. I now meet people of various ages, ethnicities and socioeconomic backgrounds all rather torn with their existence. The challenge in the realm of depression is that we face such matters alone, thinking that there is something wrong with us. I have gone through so many cycles of mini-depressions from my youth into adulthood. Although in retrospect who says such emotions are ‘bad’.

Depression seems to be a headache to our lives to let us know that something we are doing is not working. It is when we ignore this signal that the matter persists to blare louder until we have no choice but to really think about what needs changing. Don’t ever allow yourself to feel alone, talk to someone whether it be a relative or close friend. Know that these difficult moments will pass and one day you will be happy again. Fight for the life you want rather than accepting the one that exists. You are not the only one, so many of us go through these obsessive thoughts that bring us down. This is totally ‘normal’. You are just as you should be perfectly created and amazing.

Do not ever let the world or even your own mind tell you any different. You are made exactly as you are for a great purpose. Your worries will not protect you from the challenges of life. We can only take them one at a time face to face. One will fade as the next appears. You can handle anything if you want to or you can run and hide and stay trapped in your cave of sadness. I find it odd when people say my blog is so positive and that I am positive. I am the most negative critical person I know. The difference as I see it is that I am conscious of my self talk and I course correct my thoughts toward the reality I want to create. I will not be a victim to the recklessness of my mind. I want a happy and healthy life and am willing to do the inner work to achieve it.

Note to readers: If you are totally lost and do not feel you have anyone to reach out to, I am just an email away. balifashiondream@gmail.com Sometimes all you need is a word of encouragement to keep you on the straight and narrow. I do not have the answers by any means, I am just making my way but I read a blog a long time ago that helped me through a difficult period in my life. Words are powerful and I hope that mine can shed some light in those dark spaces so you can remember that ‘it is not as bad as it may seem, keep going and believing in brighter days’.

Our big move to America! Yes that is me the little one holding on to the trolley at 3-years old.

My sisters and I going to public city school George Washington Elementary School with our cat Snowball.

A bit of teen modeling for Kawanku magazine in Jakarta, Indonesia when I was about 11-years old.

Grace and I going to a high school dance. I think I am like 14 or 15-years old in this picture.