Something feels new. I keep having to dive into the sea that seems so unfamiliar. Pushing myself to face fears of all sorts. Learning to gain my independence and finding new ways of existing. I wish that there were some kind of certainty or guarantee that my efforts are not in vain. That of course is impossible to know. I have to just walk and keep with the flow. Everyday I find myself, dragging forward. My breaths are heavy especially when traveling to parts of the island I have not ventured. I get lost over and over again.
That is the way here. We accept that the maps and GPS are not accurate. The only solid way is to drive then ask for instruction. I used to drive the motorbike only at certain times of the day and on set course. I was afraid of trucks and not knowing what to do and how to cross big roads. I have scars to remind me of the danger of the bike, but I don’t want to live a life of set courses and limited exploration. I want to challenge myself everyday. In just this past week, I have driven in the dark of night through vicious traffic and to new places.
I feel the pangs of fear constantly, but I press on over and over. I don’t know all the answers to my journey, but I want it all. Everything that life has to offer. I believe that spontaneity brings about amazing serendipity. Sara and I have had the most fantastic two days by allowing the day to take us away. I am also looking to restructure the ‘workday’. Morning Adventures from 6:30am – 3pm rest – 2 hours then office/studio time 5pm – 10pm. Lets see how it goes.