Growing up as the family peacekeeper has left me always hoping to make everyone happy at the expense of my own joy at times. Sad to admit it but moving to London allowed me the freedom to discover what I wanted and eventually become my own unique individual. Running away from our habits does not help to break nor understand them.
As of late I have been cultivating a simple practice of saying ‘no’. It is uncomfortable and out of my nature but necessary for confidence building for a balanced existence. My therapy sessions have really helped me to get down to the roots of my behaviors that have caused me so much emotional pain. Almost like going back to the instruction manual to a device you put together incorrectly.
I seem to be taking apart what I know is truly me and parts that no long fit. Once we have dissembled my person then I can rebuild the person I want to be today without the distorted alignment that usually shifts me in directions that cause me to crash. Correcting the balance allows life and experiences to flow in a more healthy and clear way.