Running Away

It seems that I have been running away from myself for a lifetime. First to London then to Bali. Each time I found about a year of bliss but then the newness faded. I blamed my unhappiness on a job, relationship and a dream unrealized. But after having all that I ever wanted, I see that it was my own misery that had kept me trapped. More recently I can see my fear of commitment through one way tickets and broken promises. A dance with soft unrooted movements forward and back. I know this place oh so well, it is dark and rather lonely. My sisters usually pulling me out of bed, reminding me to return to the land of the living. I want to run and hide and disguise myself with short lived laughter.

But this time I will dig my heels down and feel the self created pain.This time it will not gain it’s power over me and accept my darker sides. When the storms calm I can pick up the pieces and continue building the dream I love. This time I know that it is not the dream that is the answer but the ability and strength in facing the truth.

It doesn’t have to be so hard and the more I lean into reality, rather then trying to escape, the more I can release it’s hold. It doesn’t matter how much people love you and how much they want you to be ‘happy’, because ultimately change starts with what I can do for myself NOW. Brokenness is a core ingredient to happiness. I can’t wait to see life continue to magically unfold. I am grateful for these difficult periods, they remind me that I should be humble and to know that each is a part of the whole: joy and suffering.

My little sister and two nephews (the furry one and the human one)

My little sister and two nephews (the furry one and the human one)

The most amazing thing about my family is that they love me just as I am.

The most amazing thing about my family is that they love me just as I am.

Teasing my little brother

Teasing my little brother

My sisters are the most amazing women I know. I don't know where I would be without them.

I don’t know what I would do without my sisters.

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