It seems that I have been running away from myself for a lifetime. First to London then to Bali. Each time I found about a year of bliss but then the newness faded. I blamed my unhappiness on a job, relationship and a dream unrealized. But after having all that I ever wanted, I see that it was my own misery that had kept me trapped. More recently I can see my fear of commitment through one way tickets and broken promises. A dance with soft unrooted movements forward and back. I know this place oh so well, it is dark and rather lonely. My sisters usually pulling me out of bed, reminding me to return to the land of the living. I want to run and hide and disguise myself with short lived laughter.

But this time I will dig my heels down and feel the self created pain.This time it will not gain it’s power over me and accept my darker sides. When the storms calm I can pick up the pieces and continue building the dream I love. This time I know that it is not the dream that is the answer but the ability and strength in facing the truth.

It doesn’t have to be so hard and the more I lean into reality, rather then trying to escape, the more I can release it’s hold. It doesn’t matter how much people love you and how much they want you to be ‘happy’, because ultimately change starts with what I can do for myself NOW. Brokenness is a core ingredient to happiness. I can’t wait to see life continue to magically unfold. I am grateful for these difficult periods, they remind me that I should be humble and to know that each is a part of the whole: joy and suffering.

My little sister and two nephews (the furry one and the human one)

The most amazing thing about my family is that they love me just as I am.

Teasing my little brother

I don’t know what I would do without my sisters.